


A Beautiful History

by bowsandtears



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Episode: s09e12 Hell Bent, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 00:52:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9795050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bowsandtears/pseuds/bowsandtears
Summary: Clara reflects on the end of her time with the Doctor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you spot any mistakes! I'm terrible at proof-reading my writing.

She’s always known that she was going to leave him one day. She just didn’t think that day would be today. She clears her throat, and straightens her shirt. She takes a breath and then checks for a pulse again. She’s stopped feeling expectant, and moved on to feeling bitter at the lack of blood rushing through her veins. She knows what happens when you die, knows that you turn cold and start to lose the healthy tinge to your skin. She knows that the brain stops, and the heart stops, and every organ in the body stops. She takes another breath, deeper this time, and waits for the sharp pain in her throat to die down. He had said she was trapped between one heartbeat and the next, but she knew what he meant. She had died there, on that street because she had been stupid. She had gotten too cocky and tried to be something she was not. 

She sits down on the floor and runs her hand through her hair. She wonders if, after this, she will ever see him again. She wonders if he will recognize her. She swallows the bitter laughter threatening to burst out of her throat; she knows he won’t. It’s for the best, she thinks to herself, firmly. He had already done so much because of her. He had broken his own rules because of her. She wonders what would have become of them if this had not happened. Would they have danced around each other forever, never saying a word about what they felt for each other? This time, she doesn’t stop the laughter from coming out. Instead, she lets it fill the room. Even when they knew it was over for the both of them, they couldn’t say it to each other. 

She looks over to the figure laying on the floor. He looks peaceful. She knows he is not. She wonders what she is to do now. Where can she go? Logically, the best thing to do is to back to Gallifrey. Let them put her back where she came from. Let them deliver her to her death. She looks again at the figure on the floor. She knows that if she goes back to Gallifrey, she has to take him with her. She knows they are looking for him; for both of them. She wonders what will become of him now. Will he be lonely? Will he even know she existed? She can’t take him back to Gallifrey, not while he is still unconscious. She also can’t let him wake up and see her here. She could take him somewhere else, perhaps back to his Tardis. She could take him back where he belonged, and take herself back to Gallifrey. She was dead, after all. She wonders if anybody even notices that she is gone. She wonders if anyone grieves for her. She sniffles and tries to fight back the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. They come anyways. She can hear herself sobbing and taking deep breaths. She knows she is hyperventilating. She wonders aloud if she even needs to breathe, now that she is technically not alive. She hears her sobs get louder. 

“It’s not fair”, she shouts to the brightness around her. She doesn’t get an answer from the oppressive silence around her. She thinks, her heart would break if it were still allowed to beat. She hears the sobs start to quieten and turn to snivels. She wipes her face with her sleeve, stands up, and dusts off her pants. She looks again at the Doctor. She takes in as much of him as she possibly can. He is not the man she started with, but she loves him nonetheless. She kneels next to him, and presses a kiss to his forehead. She stands up again and turns to the other person in the room. It’s a wonder she had stayed through the entire mess. But then again, where would she go? They were only at the end of the universe. 

“Ashildr.” She startles, her eyes cutting away from the Doctor’s figure. 

“I’m...sorry, Clara”, she says hesitantly. Clara smiles back at her, knowing there is no feeling behind it. She supposes she could hate Ashildr. This whole situation was partly her fault. But then, Ashildr had not condemned her to death. Clara had done that to herself. Ashildr would never have been alive where it not for the Doctor. She looks at the doctor again and shakes her head. There is no point in trying to place blame for this. Everyone was seemingly at fault. It would have happened some other way. Besides, she always known she would have to leave him eventually. She has always known in the back of her head that she is not the first. She doubts she will be the last. She wonders if he remembers the others. She feels the tears threaten to return. She laughs sadly to herself. She knows tears will not fix this. She looks over to Ashildr, again. She is no longer staring at the Doctor. Instead, she is staring at Clara, with a look of understanding on her face. She supposes she should take the Doctor back to his Tardis, and get herself back to Gallifrey. 

She looks around her, at the pristine white of this strange new Tardis. She doesn’t want to die. She looks around at her surroundings again. She knows that she is an anomaly. She does not care; she does not want to die. She looks again at the Doctor, lying peacefully on the floor. She decides that it is time to leave him. She thinks of their adventures together and smiles. She looks at the Tardis, again. She knows that when he wakes, he will not remember her. He will not remember their adventures together. She will hold on to those memories. She will hold on to her love for him. She catches Ashildr’s eye and smiles at her. She will make her way to Gallifrey, eventually. But for now, she has all of time and space ahead of her.


End file.
